weekenders

The makings of a good weekend: blueberries, cheerios, & hanging out.

Why Being A Parent Is so Damn Hard

Pregnancy sucks. You have to get ginormous, you can't drink, you're constantly being stared at, and you have to face you're impending doom: a life-changing time bomb that you have 8 short months to try to prepare for.

The first way to prepare is to get your finances together. You need to get as much money as you can possibly get your hands on, because that's just how much kids cost. Doesn't matter how much you make, you're still going to need more. You need a bigger, nicer, safer place to live. You need a TON of shit. Furniture, car seats, strollers, diapers, formula, clothes, diaper genies, baby Bjorn's, hats, blankets, swaddle blankets, swings, high chairs, bottles, breast pumps, nursing tops.... and this list does not end, ever. Once you think you have everything, you need one more thing. A boppy pillow. A thermometer. A snot sucker. You also need health insurance and money to cover medical bills. Then you need money to pay your bills for several months while you're home with a newborn. Then you need to buy life insurance to protect your family if something should happen to you. Then you need to open a college fund to start saving for squirts' education.

This is not why being a parent is hard.

Is this getting redundant? Let's say you have plenty of money and can handle all these things. You'll still need more. Because then you will be pressured into buying cord blood banking in case you're precious little one ever needs stem cells if they get sick, and man do they lay this one on you. I felt guilty for months for not spending thousands on this and I still feel a little guilty. I even contemplated freezing my son's umbilical cord in my own freezer- what the hell's the difference? Once this is paid for, you start reading the parenting magazines and decide that you're child should only wear organic cotton onesies, and needs Dreft laundry detergent, and it just never ends.

This is not why being a parent is hard.

Ok, so the kid shows up and rips you a new one. Then you're dealing with a helpless, crying, screaming newborn who won't sleep more than 90 minutes at a time when you are the most exhausted you have ever been in your entire life. For me, the hospital stay was the first time I had ever been in a hospital, the first time I ever had an IV, and obviously the first time I ever had an epidural. The whole weekend I probably got ten hours of sleep. Then I was sent off on my own to raise this kid until he's thirty, when I still needed raising myself. I was on painkillers, wearing pads, taking sitz baths, changing diapers, doing laundry, and breastfeeding a baby who was hungry every two hours and took 45 minutes to feed-- all while living my life in a zombie-like catatonic state that was only broken during the hour I spent crying every day.

This is not why being a parent is so hard. It was hard, but mostly because I was tired. And I knew it would pass. I knew things would get easier. I switched him to formula, he started sleeping longer, he started pooping less, my body healed, and I got some help with the laundry...

As they get a little older, they get easier, but they also get harder. Once they can grasp things, there are choking hazards. Once they can crawl, there are falling hazards. One they can walk and climb, EVERYTHING is a hazard. You can never let your guard down. As a parent, you have to be alert and ready. It doesn't matter how tired you are, you have to be paying attention and you have to be ready to jump up and save you're kid from getting a boo-boo, or save your cell phone from being flushed down the toilet. Once you go back to work, it is a tight-rope walk trying to balance your lives. Daycare, doctors appointments, work, bills, friends (where did they go?).. Every day is a challenge and no matter how hard you try to work out a schedule, you'll never stick to it, because there will always be something unexpected.

But this is just part of life, everyone gets busy, whether they have kids or not. Everyone has to balance personal obligations with work, so this is not why being a parent is so hard.

Being a parent is do damn hard because you need to make decisions quickly, and sometimes blindly, that will affect someone else for the rest of their life. It never occurred to me how easy it is to make decisions about my own life until I had to make decisions for someone else. I have had to make all of my son's medical decisions, and he has absolutely no say in them. He can't speak, and even if he could, he wouldn't know what to do. It was my decision to get him vaccinated, but I question it all the time. I am torturing my child by injecting viruses into him so he can form an antibody to diseases that he would probably never get anyway. Getting these vaccines just MIGHT cause autism and change his personality and cause him to struggle for the rest of his life. They also just might cause a stroke. And he will most definitely get a fever and feel crummy for a day or two. But I did it anyways- I trusted the medical professionals who recommend it. I figured they must be right that the benefits outweigh the risks. I trusted them because I didn't know what else to do- I didn't have the time or money to go to medical school and study the effects of the vaccine and decide for myself it it was worth it.

For me, this responsibility and vulnerability is the hardest part of being a parent. Being responsible for someone else is easy when it comes to feeding and bathing them, but hard when you look at the big picture and realize that a decision you make today is going to still affect them long after you're gone. Should I continue his vaccines? Should I move to a better town? Should I work longer hours to make more money or should I work less hours to make more time? Which is more important? Should I involve certain people in his life? There are no way to answer these questions, and there is even less time. You just have to do it and hope that you do it right.

The World of Breasts

It seems as if breast implants have been making a lot of headlines lately. The latest one is by far the most disturbing. This girl in Texas raised money to get breast augmentation surgery by PRETENDING TO HAVE CANCER. She told everyone she had breast cancer, and even shaved her head to make it look like she was losing her hair from chemotherapy treatments. The nice folks down in Texas raised funds to help her out, and what does she do? She gets herself boobies. And is alive. And healthy. I feel bad for her kids. She better move far away, dye her hair, and change her name because she has pissed a lot of people off. That is, after her jail time.

Usually I would go into a rant here. But this is so bad that my ranting won't even be necessary.

Another sickening story- This lady in Whales caught her husband chatting with and trying to meet up with young girls online by pretending to be a schoolgirl. She suspected he was doing so, so she set up in the other room and chatted with him on the computer, and then he tried to get her to meet somewhere for sex. Instead of confronting him, she called police, and he was arrested! You go girl! I love that. She did the right thing. I would probably be so angry if my husband did that, I wouldn't be able to control myself and would probably run into the other room with a frying pan like a crazy lady. And, of course, kick him in the nuts. A lot. Then I would get arrested.

I think calling the police was a great move on her part, and although he somehow did not get jail time, it makes his punishment that much worse. Public shame is a bitch, David Roberts!

Day of the Dead

To my loyal readers, I would like to apologize for making my posts so long. I'm assuming that's why none of you are reading them. ha...

Some guy in Brazil showed up to his own funeral! His family had identified what they thought was his body from a car crash, but they were wrong. So when he heard about his funeral, he had to show up to set things straight and everyone got all freaked out and panicky. I thought that only happened in movies.

Saving Money & Losing Weight- so easy!

It dawned on me lately that I read a lot of crap. Among all the magazines, newspapers, websites, and even reputable books that I read, I seem to keep getting the same information. It goes something like this: If you want to change your life, start by skipping the morning latte.
Shape magazine told me I could lose a pound by Friday, which I was interested in. Now, I am assuming Shape magazine is read by people who already try to maintain a healthy lifestyle, like myself, so I thought I might be able to kick it up a notch by trying out some of their advice. I wasn't really expecting anything too revolutionary, but what I found was despicable. Included in the diet advice was of course "watch your beverages," and some crap about how that morning latte could add up to 300 calories- or more!! Then they had an activities advice column, which told me to "take the stairs instead of the elevator." Doing this for a half hour could burn 230 calories per day! Easy enough! All I have to do is cut out my latte, and take the stairs, which will burn an extra 3500+ calories in 5 days, which means I have lost a pound by Friday!!

Here's my problem: I already skip the morning latte. I don't like lattes. Sometimes I have a coffee, which I make at home. I also don't take any elevators. I don't have any stairs at all in my house or my workplace. Even if I did take an elevator at work, wouldn't my boss wonder where I was while I was climbing up and down the stairs for 30 minutes??

I feel like I read the same advice day after day after day, which leads me to wonder, who are these writers? If they can do it, can't I? I cut out MY morning lattes, so surely I'm an expert, right? Here's another one: Park farther away in the parking lot so you burn more calories walking an extra 50 feet. Thirty minues of this a day would add up 150 calories burned, and all you have to do is go to 570 different stores!!! How about I park close to the store, get in and out with what I need as quickly as possible, and then make it home in time to go for a 45 minute walk before it gets dark? I guess they're trying to tell me to multi-task to take advantage of every opportunity to burn some extra calories, but it woud be nice to hear something new or creative- how about lunging to my tables at work, and carrying some 10 lb dumbbells with my so I can do some bicep curls while taking customers orders?? I'm onto something here!!!

I've solved my fitness problems, but I still need to figure out my personal finances. I know I should be saving for a house and retirement and my children's educations, but it just seems so difficult to put money aside when I have to pay for rent, utilities, car expenses, food, credit cards, and student loans every month on a pretty minimal salary. So when I stumble upon an article offering some financial advice, I usually take a look. Why I do this, I don't know, because they all tell me the same exact thing:

Even people with low incomes can save, they just need to cut back expenses in other areas. This is easier than most people think. For example, skipping the morning lattes could save me $25 per week. If I put this into a savings account, that would be $1300 per year!

Holy crap! I, little old me, could save $1300 THAT EASILY? All I have to do is skip my morning lattes. I can do that. Oh wait, I already don't have my morning lattes. And if I did, I would probably have to pay for it with a credit card. So if I'm buying it with money that doesn't exist, what do I put in the savings account? Oh, that's right, nothing. Okay, but this might work for other people I know. I know people that go to starbucks every morning, so they could give it a try. But as it turns out, they've been buying those lattes on a credit card all year, which now has a balance of $7000!!! So, if they stop the morning lattes, they can apply $25/week to their credit card, and their savings account is left empty as well.

This stuff is the biggest crap ever. "Pay yourself first."

Landlord: This is only half of what you owe me this month.

Tenant: Sorry about that, I had to pay myself and that's all I had left.

If you're not a total idiot, the only way to improve your financial situation is to make more money. I already live on the bare minimum, and it's still not working out for me. I still can't save. Why? Because my job has cut me down to 15 hrs/week, and soon I will be unemployed. My unemployment check certainly will not be enough to put away savings, no matter how carefully I "budget." The only way I am ever going to improve things, is by getting a higher-paying job. I don't understand how these people are being paid to write personal finance articles. I could write any one of them! Why do they have jobs, and I don't??

While I'm ranting, I would like to say a little something about my job search. I know experience is important, but to what extent? It seems like employers are going to extremes with their experience requirements.

Job Title: Administrative Assistant

Duties: Copying, Filing, Faxing
-Arranging and scheduling meetings with staff and clients
-Greeting customers and answering phone inquiries
-Must be able to type 45 wpm
-Other general office duties

Requirements: Bachlor's Degree, Master's preferred
10+ years experience
Knowledge of Microsoft Office
Proven track record of success in an administrative role
Great customer service skills



WHAT? The sad part, is that they are not asking too much. They probably will find this person, because the job market is so bad. Why so much experience? Why are those ten years needed? Won't you just have to pay them more? You can pay me $6 less per hour and I'll still do a better job! I am an administrative expert! I have been handling all my personal administrative duties for years now! I talk on the phone, I book appointments (never overlapping), I carefully fill out paperwork, and I use excel to track my finances and fitness goals. I have been working in restaurants kissing peoples asses for the last ten years, so I certainly know about customer service. I am also always on time (on time = 15 minutes early!) for everthing, from work, to doctor's appointments, to movie showings! Clearly I can multitask if I can take 6 upper level college courses and work 25 hours per week at the same time. I can also wait on six tables at the same time. One needs another drink, two is ready to order, food is up for three, bread is in the toaster for four, five needs a drink order, and six needs their plates to be cleared, and it all gets done timely, with happy customers.

But all this means nothing since I havn't been working in a traditional office environment for the past ten years, but that's okay, why? Because I have no intentions of being an administative assistant for ten or more years. If I did, I would consider my college education a waste, and my career a failure.


Crazy world we live in!!

Nothing is Fair!

Which is to be expected, of course. I was recently reading an article on www.insidehighered.com about student loans, and if they should be considered for bankruptcy. Currently, they are not, unless you are blind and only have one limb. If they were, plenty of people would do it. I would probably just take out a crapload of loans and go get an MBA and a JD and another bachelor's degree just for the fun of it, all along knowing I would just declare bankruptcy at the end! I would probably get credit cards from every store that would allow me to have one and get a ton of clothes and nice furniture and stuff too. In other words, there is a serious negative incentive to allowing this. It should, however, be allowed under strict regulation and certain circumstances. And perhaps private loans shouldn't be given so willy-nilly? Maybe loan companies should have to interview students, and find out what their plan is for after college, before giving them tens of thousands of dollars. If they can't pass the interview or the underwriting, then they might choose to go to a cheaper school!

I'm getting off track. My purpose for writing here is in response to a comment that really angered me. IHE Reader posted a response to the article titled "can't call the repo man." IHE Reader presents a valid point, education is an asset that cannot be reclaimed. Maybe they could take away your diploma, and your educational records, but the knowledge and the experience will forever be yours, and you can still use it even after filing bankruptcy. This is unfair to the others who file bankruptcy based on other assets, because once their houses, cars, computers and boats are taken away, they can't use them anymore!!!

He or she goes on to say "Discharging student loans for those spendthrifts who stupidly get themselves into too much consumer debt shouldn't be an option."

WHAT? So shouldn't he be saying that bankruptcy shouldn't be an option for ANYONE? How is he saying it's okay for people to do it if they bought a yacht but not okay for someone who bought an education? The people with the houses and the boats are the stupid spendthrifts! An education is an investment that many people hope to get a return on, but unfortunatly, given the state of the economy and the unemployment rate, it is not working out for many people.

My other problem here is saying that an education can't be "repo-ed." This is correct, you can't just liquidate that college degree in order to make a settlement. This is a pretty stupid argument because you can't liquidate good times and fun memories either! Let's say instead of going to college I moved to Las Vegas and took out credit cards. I spent four years gambling, drinking, smoking, laying by the pool, eating expensive steaks, getting plastic surgery, going to the spa, etc. Then I grow up and realize dispite all the surgery, no one loves me enough to pay my rent or gas, and I am $50,000 in debt. What to do, what to do.. oh yea, declare bankruptcy!! None of these items can be "repo-ed" either, but for some reason this is forgivable but an education is not? Cool. Now I know there are laws about this kind of frivolous behavior and declaring bankruptcy as well, and I don't know exactly what they are, but I know there is a much better chance of being forgiven. I saw a show where a girl declared bankruptcy on $30,000 in credit cards. What was she buying? Clothes. And manicures. Did she have any assets to barter? Nope. Did she have fun shopping? Yes.

I'm all done. This is a sad world we live in.

Convenience is Difficult

Sometimes things are supposed to be made better, but really they are made worse. For example, the baby formula I use, Similac. Instead of using cans like every other brand, they use these super technilogical boxes that are supposed to make things easier because they have a groove for your hand (retarded and pointless) and they have a little holder in the lid for the scoop. Henry is almost 2 months old, and I have gone through quite a few of these boxes, and every time I open a new one, I cut my knuckles, and have to wear bandaids. And its not that I forget, in fact, I fear opening them every time, but there is no way around it. Then, I have to peel the foil off. There is a little tab in the corner, and every single time I pull it, it just pulls the tab off and then I have to injure my hands more trying to get the foil off. Then, when the formula is almost gone, there isn't enough to make a scoop, so I have to pour the remaining powder into the new box (with my bloody knuckles) but there is a stupid lip on the corner of this stupid mishaped box, and I can't get it all out. (Rip off!) So basically, the only good thing about this retarded container is the place to store the scoop in the lid, but believe me, it is not worth it. Not to mention, they could have done this with a regular can. This container is even endorsed by Ty Pennington, "design expert." Ty Pennington can shove it!!!!!!