Saving Money & Losing Weight- so easy!

It dawned on me lately that I read a lot of crap. Among all the magazines, newspapers, websites, and even reputable books that I read, I seem to keep getting the same information. It goes something like this: If you want to change your life, start by skipping the morning latte.
Shape magazine told me I could lose a pound by Friday, which I was interested in. Now, I am assuming Shape magazine is read by people who already try to maintain a healthy lifestyle, like myself, so I thought I might be able to kick it up a notch by trying out some of their advice. I wasn't really expecting anything too revolutionary, but what I found was despicable. Included in the diet advice was of course "watch your beverages," and some crap about how that morning latte could add up to 300 calories- or more!! Then they had an activities advice column, which told me to "take the stairs instead of the elevator." Doing this for a half hour could burn 230 calories per day! Easy enough! All I have to do is cut out my latte, and take the stairs, which will burn an extra 3500+ calories in 5 days, which means I have lost a pound by Friday!!

Here's my problem: I already skip the morning latte. I don't like lattes. Sometimes I have a coffee, which I make at home. I also don't take any elevators. I don't have any stairs at all in my house or my workplace. Even if I did take an elevator at work, wouldn't my boss wonder where I was while I was climbing up and down the stairs for 30 minutes??

I feel like I read the same advice day after day after day, which leads me to wonder, who are these writers? If they can do it, can't I? I cut out MY morning lattes, so surely I'm an expert, right? Here's another one: Park farther away in the parking lot so you burn more calories walking an extra 50 feet. Thirty minues of this a day would add up 150 calories burned, and all you have to do is go to 570 different stores!!! How about I park close to the store, get in and out with what I need as quickly as possible, and then make it home in time to go for a 45 minute walk before it gets dark? I guess they're trying to tell me to multi-task to take advantage of every opportunity to burn some extra calories, but it woud be nice to hear something new or creative- how about lunging to my tables at work, and carrying some 10 lb dumbbells with my so I can do some bicep curls while taking customers orders?? I'm onto something here!!!

I've solved my fitness problems, but I still need to figure out my personal finances. I know I should be saving for a house and retirement and my children's educations, but it just seems so difficult to put money aside when I have to pay for rent, utilities, car expenses, food, credit cards, and student loans every month on a pretty minimal salary. So when I stumble upon an article offering some financial advice, I usually take a look. Why I do this, I don't know, because they all tell me the same exact thing:

Even people with low incomes can save, they just need to cut back expenses in other areas. This is easier than most people think. For example, skipping the morning lattes could save me $25 per week. If I put this into a savings account, that would be $1300 per year!

Holy crap! I, little old me, could save $1300 THAT EASILY? All I have to do is skip my morning lattes. I can do that. Oh wait, I already don't have my morning lattes. And if I did, I would probably have to pay for it with a credit card. So if I'm buying it with money that doesn't exist, what do I put in the savings account? Oh, that's right, nothing. Okay, but this might work for other people I know. I know people that go to starbucks every morning, so they could give it a try. But as it turns out, they've been buying those lattes on a credit card all year, which now has a balance of $7000!!! So, if they stop the morning lattes, they can apply $25/week to their credit card, and their savings account is left empty as well.

This stuff is the biggest crap ever. "Pay yourself first."

Landlord: This is only half of what you owe me this month.

Tenant: Sorry about that, I had to pay myself and that's all I had left.

If you're not a total idiot, the only way to improve your financial situation is to make more money. I already live on the bare minimum, and it's still not working out for me. I still can't save. Why? Because my job has cut me down to 15 hrs/week, and soon I will be unemployed. My unemployment check certainly will not be enough to put away savings, no matter how carefully I "budget." The only way I am ever going to improve things, is by getting a higher-paying job. I don't understand how these people are being paid to write personal finance articles. I could write any one of them! Why do they have jobs, and I don't??

While I'm ranting, I would like to say a little something about my job search. I know experience is important, but to what extent? It seems like employers are going to extremes with their experience requirements.

Job Title: Administrative Assistant

Duties: Copying, Filing, Faxing
-Arranging and scheduling meetings with staff and clients
-Greeting customers and answering phone inquiries
-Must be able to type 45 wpm
-Other general office duties

Requirements: Bachlor's Degree, Master's preferred
10+ years experience
Knowledge of Microsoft Office
Proven track record of success in an administrative role
Great customer service skills



WHAT? The sad part, is that they are not asking too much. They probably will find this person, because the job market is so bad. Why so much experience? Why are those ten years needed? Won't you just have to pay them more? You can pay me $6 less per hour and I'll still do a better job! I am an administrative expert! I have been handling all my personal administrative duties for years now! I talk on the phone, I book appointments (never overlapping), I carefully fill out paperwork, and I use excel to track my finances and fitness goals. I have been working in restaurants kissing peoples asses for the last ten years, so I certainly know about customer service. I am also always on time (on time = 15 minutes early!) for everthing, from work, to doctor's appointments, to movie showings! Clearly I can multitask if I can take 6 upper level college courses and work 25 hours per week at the same time. I can also wait on six tables at the same time. One needs another drink, two is ready to order, food is up for three, bread is in the toaster for four, five needs a drink order, and six needs their plates to be cleared, and it all gets done timely, with happy customers.

But all this means nothing since I havn't been working in a traditional office environment for the past ten years, but that's okay, why? Because I have no intentions of being an administative assistant for ten or more years. If I did, I would consider my college education a waste, and my career a failure.


Crazy world we live in!!